Lets Play House

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LET’S PLAY HOUSE
(CHARLEY & BIFF)

From the musical, “A Tribute To The Memory Of You”
by Denny Hamann

Charley:
Let’s play house like mom and dad, together.  You can be the queen, I’ll be the king.
You can do the dusting and the dishes.  I will do the macho, manly thing.
Let’s play house like mom and dad together.  Oh the games that people play with me.
If you take this serious, then brother, you’re mysterious,  the only game is who you want to be.

Biff:
Let’s play house like mom and dad, together.  Watching how my parents played the game.
Mother played the role of helpless victim.  Dad played rescuer and claimed the fame.
But, when I look close beneath the surface,  and see the game they really played for keeps.
Father was the helpless one,  and mom’s the one who got things done . .
A secret that no-body dares to speak.

Biff:  (spoken in rhythm, mimicing mother)
I cook, I clean, I shop, I buy, I watch for all the sales.
And finally when my soap is on, there’s time to do my nails.
I lie here in my negligee’ with hair like Mrs. Brady.
I don’t think I’ll get up today.  (snaps fingers)  I’m Sadie, married lady.
I head off to the P.T.A., I made a fabulous buffet.
I feed myself, I feed myself some more.
I know what you’re about to say – I wouldn’t stuff my face all day,
if life were not a monumental bore!

Charley:  (spoken in rhythm, as father)
I golf, I fish, play basketball, go drinkin’ with the guys.
I ask myself if this is all that married life supplies.
I check my shirt, ’cause I know how my nosy wife will holler.
I’m having an affair, and now there’s lipstick on my collar.
I need a drink, I’m seeing red,
there’s something that my father said,
(sings)  “that whiskey will put hair upon your chest.”
It’s not so hard to be so tough,  ’cause no one knows it’s all a bluff.
They’ll think you’re just a cut above the rest!

Biff:  that’s all fine and dandy, charley, but I don’t exactly fill out my mother’s role, if you know what I mean.

Charley:  that’s okay, dear.  You fill out quite nicely in other areas, (looks at Biff’s groin) if you know what I mean.

Charley:  (Spoken in rhythm)
You wash my clothes, you sort my socks,  I never stop to thank you.
If you don’t act the way I want,  you know I’m going to spank you.

Biff:  (Spoken in rhythm)
I dress the kids and wash the dog and wax the kitchen floor.
And when I get abuse from you, it leaves me wanting more.

Charley: (singing)
In pigtails you’d look just like Judy Garland.
(Mimics the “Wicked Witch of the West)  So get your ruby slippers and your dog.
You’ll find that doing drag is so enticing.  It’s easier than rolling off a log..

Biff:
I must confess, I kinda’ like the pigtails.  (Charley:  “I knew you would)
But if you think that I’m wearing those, you’re wrong!  (Holds up gawdy short heels)
Just think of what my dad would say,  now really, I must have my way,
I want my heels at least three inches long!  (Pulls 3” plus heels from under bed.)
(
(Biff puts on heels, an apron and whatever “drag” seems appropriate while Charley sings)
Charley:
Oh, you’re wrong, your father wasn’t helpless.  You just never saw the role he played.
Strong and virile, macho man your father . . Shed a tear, oh no, he’s not dismayed.
Women are the weaker of the sexes . . (Mimics Carrol Channing)
And crying is o.K. For them to do.
You can do the dishes, I will carry out your wishes
I’m the daddy and I’ll be on top of you.
Biff:  Oh yeah?  (Presses his chest against Charleys as they stand together)
Charley:  Yeah!  (Thrusts his hips into Biff’s)
Biff:  (Flits around the house with duster, etc. mimics “Harriet Housefrau”.
Let’s play house like mom and dad together.  This is who I really want to be.
Doing dusting, dishes and the laundry,  is the role I had in mind for me.
Bow before me, I’m the lord and master . .(Pushes Charley backward on bed)
Even tho’ I sometimes wear a frock.  (Climbs on top of Charley, straddeling him)
I control the power here . . A dominatrix when you’re near.
You’ll have to be the bottom, I’m the top.